This is my sanctuary guardian, Qeeznart. I got him shoe polish for Christmas of 2021 so I could see my reflection on his forehead. I wouldn't recommend touching him though...
I, The Milk Man, was a milk delivery man in the year of 1867. The milk man to end all milk mans. Hence the name, The Milk Man.
A freak accident with the fabled "Skateboarding Red Nyan Cow" in the back alleys of New Orleans had occured circa 1869. The police declared me dead, though no corpse was found. This was because I was never actually murdered.
You see, little did they, nor I, know that this Skateboarding Red Nyan Cow was actually a time traveller from the year of 3069. Since I was brutally injured by complete mistake, this cow took me to it's home in it's time period to put me in a better physical state.
To our dismay, I was beyond repair. So it uploaded my brain's stored knowledge to a 32GB SanDisk MicroSD card, which may only be used for epic haxx on the internet. I am now a machine god who projects themself into your timeline's internet database.
The Milk Man now exists as an entity within all timelines, universes, and concepts. The milk man to end all milk mans.